This week Joe Biden left people scratching their heads when he thought it was an insult to dub Donald Trump “The Great MAGA King.” Here’s some other WTF? that probably looked better on paper:
Headline of the Week
Leader Of Feces-Eating Cult Arrested After Police Find 11 Bodies
For years, deep in the woods of Thailand’s Chaiyaphum province, cult leader Thawee Nanra promised his followers that consuming his skin and bodily fluids could cure all ills. Now, police have arrested the 75-year-old after 11 of his followers’ bodies were discovered at his remote compound.
“I didn’t force anybody to stay here or do anything they didn’t want to,” Nanra told the police, as reported by The Daily Mail. Indeed, his followers protested loudly as officers dragged their leader into a police car, shouting and even chasing after the vehicle as it pulled away.
According to Thai media, Nanra has operated his cult for at least four years. Far from society, he dubbed himself the “father of all religions” and told his followers that eating his feces, mucus, dandruff, and urine could cure illnesses. Dozens of his devotees even consumed his urine and dandruff in front of police officers during his arrest.
Their bodies, their choice.
Dick of the Week
Government warns women to stop playing with endangered ‘penis plants’
The Cambodian government is urging sexed-up citizens to stop playing with phallic-shaped flowers known as Nepenthes holdenii — saying the erotic-looking plants are at risk of extinction.
The Ministry of Environment issued the stern statement on Wednesday after a video showing several women picking the plants went viral on the internet.
Nepenthes holdenii is a tropical pitcher plant commonly found in the mountainous regions of western Cambodia. The flower — dubbed the “penis plant” due to its resemblance to an erect human phallus — has long been a protected species.
However, in recent years, locals and tourists have been pulling the frisky-looking flora from the ground at an increased rate and snapping selfies for social media.
The move has concerned officials, with the Ministry stating: “What they are doing is wrong and do not do it again in the future! Thank you for loving natural resources, but do not pick, [or] they will be ruined!”
In the viral video which prompted the call-out from the Cambodian government, three scantily clad women are seen unearthing several of the endangered flowers for online clout. The video was reportedly filmed on Bokor Mountain in Kampot province.
In the minute-long clip, the group screams in delight as they happen upon several of the suspicious-looking plants.
One woman is subsequently seen smiling as she holds two of the phallic objects in her hands while cooing for the camera.
At the end of the video, one of the women picks up a miniature Nepenthes holdenii, appearing to make a joke about small penises.
Clearly there aren’t any good penises in Cambodia for these women to play with.
Split of the Week
I want to split my penis in two to become a ‘black alien’ in my most shocking op yet, says Human Satan
Anthony Loffredo, 33, has already undergone a number of procedures including removing his upper lip, cutting off his nose and splitting his tongue.
The Frenchman, 33, who has been dubbed “Human Satan”, has also covered himself in tattoos and piercings.
And he has now announced to his 700,000 Instagram followers on his page the Black Alien Project that his next operation will be splitting his private parts in two.
Anthony, who has been enduring extreme body modifications for around a decade, has even braved having his eyeballs tattooed – despite the danger of going blind.
He also had both of his ears surgically removed in order to look more extra-terrestrial – and risked tongue-splitting, which involves cutting the organ in two with a scalpel.
Last year, Anthony travelled to Spain to have his nose surgically removed as the operation is illegal in his native country.
Hoping to look less human, he also had dermal implants put on his face, which gives his skin a bumpier texture as well as reptilian-style bumps on his forehead and chiselled lines across his cheekbones.
Anthony’s last procedure included chopping off his fingers to form “alien claws.
Black aliens don’t matter.
Swinger of the Week
PE teacher ‘exposed himself in park and swung his penis around like a Catherine wheel’
A PE teacher accused of exposing himself to a woman in a park while “swinging his penis around like a Catherine wheel” has been banned from teaching for life.
Jason Ledgister, 44, was found guilty of unacceptable professional conduct for allegedly flashing one or more female members of the public while telling them to “look”.
A disciplinary hearing was told he had been working at Birmingham’s Ark Boulton Academy when he first exposed himself from his car in November 2013.
A woman said she had been standing at a bus stop when a man pulled up alongside her and pulled his tracksuit bottoms down to his ankles.
The panel was told he then began masturbating while shouting “look” during the incident which lasted 15 minutes.
A woman, described only as Female C, said the man had his jogging bottoms on the ground around his ankles and was not wearing any underwear.
She described how he lifted his t-shirt with one hand while using the other to touch himself and was “swinging his penis around like a Catherine wheel”.
She watched him whack off for 15 minutes? Maybe this is on her.
Frenzy of the Week
Mum allegedly cuts off her long-term boyfriend’s genitals while ‘stabbing him and a friend to death in a frenzied attack’
A mother allegedly severed her boyfriend’s genitals after stabbing him and his friend to death.
Jasmine Everleigh, 44, is accused of murdering Samir Esbeck, 59, and Sarkis Abboud, 61, at a Brunswick apartment, in Melbourne, at 5.20am on Thursday.
Everleigh was in a relationship with Mr Esbeck for the past 10 years before she allegedly turned on him in a frenzied knife attack.
Mr Esbeck was allegedly stabbed and his genitals cut off before he died at the scene.
His friend Mr Abboud died while he was being rushed to hospital.
Everleigh was arrested on a nearby tram, taken to hospital, and later charged with two counts of murder.
Security footage from several shops filmed a shirtless Everleigh walking down the street with a shirt wrapped around her left hand after the alleged stabbing.
She ran across numerous streets and down dark alleys in shoes that were allegedly covered in blood.
Police said Everleigh left a 1.5km trail of blood along several roads and a children’s playground.
This is what happens when pre-menstrual syndrome and pre-menopause collide.
Motivator of the Week
Wife accused of hacking off ‘lazy’ husband’s balls with chainsaw before cooking them
A woman accused of cutting off her husband’s testicles with a chainsaw and cooking them on the oven hob has been arrested on suspicion of his murder.
Suspect Teresa Peric, 46, is believed to have drugged 42-year-old Srdjan Peric before stabbing him dead, cutting him into pieces and boiling his remains in a huge pan.
The horrific slaying reportedly took place at the family home in Zrenjanin, Serbia, at around 9pm on Tuesday, May 10.
Teresa’s horrified teenage daughter is said to have witnessed the gruesome killing.
The teen – a child from Teresa’s previous marriage and identified only as D. Lj. – revealed that her drugged stepdad had woken up when he was being stabbed.
But as he crawled into the sitting room, her mother continued to hack at him with her knife, the teen said.
The teen then ran to fetch her brother, but she said she then heard the noise of a chainsaw coming from inside the home.
The children were only let back in when they threatened to call the police. This is when they saw Srdjan’s mutilated corpse sprawled on the floor.
At least people will know that his balls had to be cooked in a huge pan.
Danger of the Week
My boobs are so big they put me in danger – people stare and hate me for them
A MODEL claims her large 30HH breasts put her in danger and she hopes to get a breast reduction.
Ukrainian model Louisa Khovanski, 28, started suffering with her breasts when she was only nine years old and would often get bullied for their larger than average size.
As an adult, she is in constant pain and feels uncomfortable in anything she wears, and also finds herself unable to do basic cardio.
In October 2019, she joined OnlyFans and although she can make up to £50,000 per month on the site, fears that her future will be tainted due to her natural assets.
Louisa, who boasts 2.5 million followers on Instagram, is now planning on having a breast reduction as she wants to be accepted in society and believes that the procedure is crucial for her own safety.
“I have to wear baggy clothes in my daily life to not put myself in danger,” Louisa said.
“I’m not allowed to wear cute tops like other girls, as people around will hate me for my breasts.
“People stare when I’m wearing turtlenecks or t-shirts, so I wear oversized clothes to blend in with other people.
She should use those dangerous boobs to fight the Russians.
Dump of the Week
Zomba Prisoner excretes two cellphones
Malawi Prison Service says the prisoner who was found with two cellphones in his body inserted the gadgets through his anus.
The prisoner has since excreted the phones.
“He inserted the phones through the anus and was noticed by some prison warders due to the way he was moving,” National Prison spokesperson Chimwemwe Shawa said.
Shawa added that the prisoner failed to excrete the cellphones and was taken to Zomba Central Hospital where he excreted them.
Meanwhile, authorities have interrogated a prison warder who escorted the prisoner outside the cells at Zomba Central Prison earlier in the day.
In an audio clip recorded when the prisoner was being interrogated , the prisoner identified as Frank Siposi is heard telling prison authorities that the cellphones were given to him by a prison warder identified as Kachiganda.
The warder took four prisoners to his house where he gave them the phones. He then took the four to a garden where Sipoko was ordered to put the smartphones into plastic bags, smear the bags with cooking oil and insert the phone through his anus.
According to Siposi, he was supposed to give one of the phones to a prisoner and sell the other phone inside the prison.
However, when he got back to prison, Siposi failed to excrete the phones and was spotted by warders because of the way he was walking.
Those iPhone 13s are enormous.
Sofa King Great of the Week
Man caught defecating on huge suite in middle of sofa shop
A man caught defecating on a £999 sofa in the middle of a showroom has been shared online. Sofa Club shared the CCTV clip of the brazen offender as the mystery man makes a foul deposit on a large suite.
The Manchester-based store posted the clip of the man, as he shuffles around the luxury sofa with his face shielded with a baseball cap. He perches on a pale grey corner sofa, before pulling his trousers down to his ankles and defecating on the floor.
Shocked, The Sofa Club said they were “pretty speechless” upon making the discovery and the showroom was temporarily closed down for a deep clean, reports The Manc. The sofa was later removed.
I’m sure some bargain hunter would buy it.
Stripper of the Week
Woman strips, urinates on floor of Georgia Walmart after profanity-laced tirade, police say
Police have arrested a woman they say stripped and urinated on the floor of a Fayetteville Walmart after going on a profanity-laced tirade through the store and hitting an employee, according to The Citizen.
Police said April Barrow, 40, was searching for prophylactics on April 29 at around 6:30 a.m. when she started cursing at employees and throwing things at them. Witnesses then said she punched an employee.
A witness/employee told police Barrow allegedly struck her multiple times in the arm with a closed fist,” police said. “Witnesses reported to police that Barrow took her clothes off and urinated on the floor.”
Employees escorted her from the building. Barrow was putting her clothes back on as police arrived.
Inflation and supply chain issues have everyone on edge.
Instant Karma of the Week
Man dies of heart attack as he digs a grave to bury the woman he killed
A man is accused of strangling a woman he lived with before he died of a heart attack as he buried her in their yard, according to South Carolina police.
Deputies in Edgefield County, about 20 miles north of Augusta, were sent to a Trenton home on Saturday, May 7, for a report “of an unresponsive male lying in his yard,” sheriff’s officials said. When they arrived, they found the body of 60-year-old Joseph Anthony McKinnon, who lived at the residence, Sheriff Jody Rowland said.
As their investigation continued, deputies said they found a second body “in a freshly dug pit.” This body was confirmed to be of 65-year-old Patricia Ruth Dent, who lived with McKinnon, Rowland said in a news release.
Sheriff’s officials believe McKinnon attacked Dent in their home. She died by strangulation, an autopsy showed.
“Mr. McKinnon then bound her and wrapped her in trash bags before putting her in the previously dug pit,” according to the sheriff.
McKinnon partially filled the pit with Dent’s body inside when he suffered a “cardiac event,” which caused his death, the sheriff said.
What if he killed her because she gained too much weight and moving her massive corpse is what killed him?
Mug of the Week
Florida woman under ‘voodoo spell’ forces daughters to drink bleach
A woman was arrested after forcing her two young daughters to drink bleach, killing one of them on Mother’s Day in Poinciana, Fla., according to local reports.
Joanne Zephir, 36, confessed to police that a “voodoo spell” was the reason she forced her 3-year-old and 8-year-old daughters to drink bleach out of a drinking glass, according to WSMV.
She claimed the spell caused her to harm both of her children.
Police discovered Zephir unconscious in the driver’s seat of a vehicle parked at the Poinciana Pentecostal Church.
The younger girl was also found unresponsive in the backseat and the older daughter was found out on a road near the church, according to the Sun.
All three of them were taken to a local hospital, where the 3-year-old was pronounced dead.
Police are expected to charge Zephir with one count of attempted murder and one count of aggravated child abuse.
That was some powerful mojo that done struck her google-eyed.
Mom of the Week
I fell in love with my son and have ‘mind-blowing sex’ — but it’s not incest
Kim West, 57, got pregnant as a teenager, and gave up her baby boy, Ben Ford, for adoption in the mid-1980s.
Ford, who is now 38, tracked down his mother eight years ago, and the pair formed a close bond. Things quickly turned sexual, and they went public with their incestuous relationship in 2016, with West boasting she had “mind-blowing sex” with her son.
The couple has subsequently kept a low profile in a bid to avoid being prosecuted for their illegal sexual relations, but say science is the reason they can’t keep their hands off each other.
“This is not incest, it is GSA. We are like peas in a pod and are meant to be together,” West declared to New Day, speaking about a phenomenon known as “genetic sexual attraction.”
The phenomenon was first identified back in the 1980s by Barbara Gonyo, a woman who ran a Chicago-based support group for adoptees and their newfound relatives. She coined the term “GSA” after noting that numerous people associated with the group became sexually attracted to their family members when they first met as adults.
“I know people will say we’re disgusting, that we should be able to control our feelings, but when you’re hit by a love so consuming you are willing to give up everything for it, you have to fight for it,” West told New Day.
The loved-up mama continued: “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance and something Ben and I are not willing to walk away from.”
Her equally shameless son stated: “When I met Kim, I couldn’t think of her as my mom but instead as a sexual being. I had seen a therapist at an adoption support group and had learned about the GSA phenomenon.”
Making their relationship more shocking was the fact that Ford was married at the time they met. The smitten son soon dumped his wife in order to be in a relationship with his mom.
Just like democrats, they’ve rebranded something to make it sound less horrifying.
WTF? of the Week
Madonna’s new NFT release includes graphic images of her giving birth to a tree
Madonna has been turning heads for nearly 40 years and is no stranger to marrying sexuality, entertainment, and business. Beeple, the nom de plume of artist Mike Winkelmann, is the person who singlehandedly brought NFTs to the attention of the general public with his $69 million sale last November. So a collaboration between the two might make a lot of sense on paper.
The reality, however, is a lot different.
The online world, and especially the crypto community, is lambasting Madonna upon the release of her and Beeple’s new collection of sexually graphic NFTs, which include explicit footage of the singer giving birth to trees, butterflies, and robotic centipedes. The video clips include close-up shots of the singer’s genitalia created using scans of Madonna’s body.
“I wanted to investigate the concept of creation, not only the way a child enters the world through a woman’s vagina, but also the way an artist gives birth to creativity,” said Madonna in a statement.
Of all the things I figured were growing in Madonna’s vagina, tree was last on the list.
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